lingeringhope | ic inbox

I had to hope you'd agree, Hope. The simple fact of the matter here is that, no matter what I do, you get my hope. No matter what you do, you get my hope. You get my hope every day when I check the contact list and you get my hope every time I see people I care for are still here. You get my hope that, if I sleep, it'll be without the additional nightmares from my experiences here and back home.

Don't act like I'm taking something without giving something back.

As for paint, I want acrylics. Red, yellow, blue, black, and white.

'Taking something without giving something back' is the exact definition of what you are doing. I need to be able to feed people, keep the monsters in the tunnels, provide items for daily life, provide power for your electronics, and resurrect those of you who die. That is what your daily hope contributes to - not paints. That is what all of the hope I get from each of you every day goes to. That is why I ask for extra when people ask for something extra from me. You are directly taking energy from those other uses, without replenishing it.

Understand that's what you're doing. Don't lie to yourself. There's really no point.

Your paints will be delivered tomorrow.

You're a doll, Hope.

Oh, and by the way, I've got a plan that will keep the monsters in the tunnels with only a little push from you. That will remove one thing from the many things on your to-do-list. In fact, I've got a lot of ideas that will assist you and the rest of your friends, along with all us hosts.

That would be helpful. What is your idea?

Doors. [ lmfao doors. her big idea is doors for the cave entrances but wait ok hear her out. ] Stone doors. I'm sure someone around here can manipulate rock and I'm sure there's someone else around here who can seal to seal it off to anything... unsavory.

I doubt it would last forever, not without some upkeep, but it's not like we ever have much to do. We'd keep one cave entrance open, the one closest to the Colosseum.

It isn't a bad idea. However, when the creatures arrive they spread out through the city before I'm able to drive them into the caves - having only one entrance will make that much harder. The caves are also a form of defense, in case we are attacked again. Having only one way in will make it much more difficult for us to mount a defense within them.

However, the idea itself is sound enough. You could speak to Confusion. She made them, she would have more insight than me.

Doors, Hope. They'd be opened when necessary, closed when not. But, of course, I'd have to talk to Confusion about the specifics and possibilities. [ Ugh, no, not Confusion. She's so... ridiculously hot and mean. It's confusing. ]

Is that not a sufficient thing in return, though, for what I've asked for? It's more useful than some random, useless memory.

It certainly would be, if it works. If you can manage to make it work.

Have some faith. Or hope.

Difficult, when so many of you wish the worst for me.

Oh, please. Get over it, Hope. You're not the victim in this situation, you're just as much our jailers as the rest of you. And, seeing as you guys hold all the power in our relationship, all we can fucking do is wish.

So I should therefore trust all of you, and believe that anything you offer is truly meant to help? That seems foolish.

No, you should think outside of your closed minded box.

As foolish as it is to trust you, or you to trust us, there's a saying in my world: the enemy of your enemy is your friend. Right now, we have a mutual enemy and somewhat mutual goals. Until you either prove to be nothing but parasites, we have to work together.

It's fine if you don't get it. I probably shouldn't have expected you to.

Fear likes you. That doesn't mean that all of us must.

Why the fuck does that matter? I'm not trying to be friends.

I simply mean that we are not all inclined to indulge your needless aggression.

It's starting to sound like you don't want to listen to my advice because I'm a loud opponent to your methods. How petty.

[ says the queen of petty :| ]

It isn't particularly petty to distrust advice from someone who has been open about wishing you harm.

I'm fucking trying here and you're... You know what? Fuck it. I'm done. Keep your paints. Disregard my advice. And go fuck yourself, you pathetic excuse for Hope.

[ This, this comes from genuine hurt. She's trying. She's not good at it but she's trying and... Fuck, why bother anymore? Let them do what they want. ]

I am also trying, as I have been for months. Perhaps you can understand the frustration that comes from having that greeted only with anger.

If you'd been trying, truly, you would have a better understanding of us. You wouldn't lie to us. You wouldn't look down on us. But look at how you treat us? How have you always treated us? Not only keeping us in the dark but constantly reminding us of it.

You made a mistake that you can't even own up to and then you try to blame us for being hurt, and mentally unstable, and fucking suicidal. You make people wish they were dead because then there wouldn't be the constant knowledge that tomorrow the other boot is gonna drop and you're going to fuck with our heads.

And you probably won't ever get it, or care. I get what you're doing and why you're doing it but I can't ever forgive you for not at least trying to... to show us some decent kindness.

But we didn't even really get that; we just get your manipulations in the form of faux kindness and then we get thrown to the hounds by the other gods and then we have to lick our wounds on our own. So, thanks for that, Hope. Thanks for showing me what hope really looks like.

[ And she's not crying, you are. :| ]

You continue to blame me personally for things that I did not do, and indeed things that I had no control over. It's frustrating for me in the same way your powerlessness is frustrating to you.

I do not have time to waste on kindness toward people who hate and misunderstand me. I'm trying to keep the remnants of my people alive. My kindness is better spent on those who understand that. I'm sorry you have been disappointed by that.

Whatever, Hope. Just what the fuck ever.

[ She's done here. ]

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